Is a man you know a victim? Spotting the Signs

There is a range of support and information available to help male victims of domestic abuse escape and for friends, family and work colleagues to help too. Whilst you cannot always tell what goes on behind closed doors,  there are some telltale signs and symptoms of emotional, psychological or physical  abuse.  If you notice these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or work colleague, please think how you can help him escape.

It is key to remember that domestic abuse does not always mean physical violence – it also covers coercive and controlling behaviour, including psychological and emotional control. Some men do not suffer from violence but suffer terrible psychological and emotional abuse.

If you are unsure, please call us  – we receive lots of calls from concerned friends and family – every call is welcome. We would suggest you also look at our Survivors’ Stories page – is the man you know, going through the same? And of course, if there is a man you know who is in immediate danger – call the police.

The warning signs that a man could be a victim fall into four main categories:

• Changes in behaviour or demeanour
• Changes in physical appearance and clothing
• Changes in contact pattern
• Changes in work behaviour

If you are an employer and think one of your male staff is a victim – please refer to the Safe Lives Employer Guide  or the Business in the Community / Public Health England Employers’ Toolkit  

Warning Signs

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or domestic abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his (and his children’s).

Talk to the person in private and let him know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

If you are an employer and think one of your male staff is a victim – please refer to the Public Health England Employers’ Toolkit